It started when I finished recording my video answering the questions you posted for me. I asked myself if I had the right to say all those things, and share whatever knowledge I had in Fashion.
I began to feel sorry for myself thinking about acquaintances I had who I know are so much better than me, having all the money in the world to buy anything they wanted, posting new looks nearly every week, having the luxury to do whatever they want to, whenever they want to. I knew I was bitter about it.
As shallow as this seems, I’m mostly vain about clothes. I know what I want and I normally don’t care about what other people think of the way I dress. A part of me wants to look “put together” but who I really am is someone who’d add a piece to my wardrobe that doesn’t really seem fitting, because that’s how I do things. I want to make it work even if they don’t “go together”.
I’ve lost my confidence, and a part of myself that I’ve known and loved so much. I have this urge to prove myself to the Fashion world even if I can’t go shopping on a weekly basis, even if I don’t really follow trends, except when I feel like a certain piece would be a good investment, or something I’d still like to wear even when its “so last season”. If I was to be known in this field, I’d like to be known as having my own style. I’d like to be known as the middle-class girl who can still manage to make it “up there” even if I don’t get to hang with the IT crowd or have nice photos of myself taken wearing the most expensive of clothes and jewelries.
I have to constantly remind myself that all I need is to believe in what I can do. That other people don’t necessarily have to see that.
Okay, I know I’m babbling. All I’m saying is that starting today, I’m just going to allow myself to be, and do what I’ve always wanted to do, Fashion-wise.
After all, four years ago, people (now my friends) from Seventeen did call me a Fashionista, and they loved my “natural flair for fashion” :)
